Our picture is the best memory

"the best thing about a picture is that it never changes, even when the people in it do."

—
andy warhol

Wise words

In life you need one thing to survive.

Simply the ability to realize shit happens.

You step in it, you accept it, you get the fuck over it,

and you keep walking.

-via eletheowl.tumblr.com

I can't lie, I miss this. I miss him.

Get to know me...

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: Marlene
Date: 5/25/10
Current Location: NYC
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Righty/Lefty: Ambidextrous but mostly righty


LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: funeral homes
Your dream of the perfect date: Dinner, wine and a movie @home...its all about the right person not what you're doing with them


LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: That's not supposed to hurt, 5 more minutes.
Your best physical feature: I get the most compliments on my hair and my smile
Your bed time: I usually crash by midnight, I'm getting old
Your most missed memory: family vacations to Dominican Republic (just the 4 of us)


LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi!! its always been you
McDonald’s or Burger King: Mickey D's...its a love affair with those fries
Single or Group Dates: Single
Adidas or Nike: Nike. Just do it.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate (even though I'm dark, I don't like vanilla!)
Cappuccino or Coffee: none of the above. Cafe Bustelo w/leche and cremora


LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Smoke: nope
Cuss: yes
Take showers: hot ones, every night before going to sleep. mmm
Have a crush: hmm...
Like school: sometimes and sometimes I want to shoot myself and ask myself why I'm here. I'm a nerd at heart I guess
Believe in yourself: If you don't, no one else will.
Believe what goes around comes around: Karma is a bitch. You get what you give. True story.
Believe everything happens for a reason: not necessarily. We trick ourselves into believing this to negate the pain. By our nature, we struggle to find meaning and purpose in everything when sometimes there is none.


LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: hell no
Been on stage: no
Eaten sushi: sushi samba ;-)
Been hurt: yes...damn softball to the shin, damn boys
Dyed your hair: no, reminds me I need a root touch-up


LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: haha. maybe
Kissed the same sex: nope
Gotten beaten up: TMI if I say during sex? and I liked it... lmao
Changed who you were to fit in: never


LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you’re hoping to be married by: 31?
Number of kids you’re planning on having: 2-3


LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye color: big and brown
hair color: as long as its natural and not dyed
short or long hair: I have a thing for long hair, but clean crew cuts are nice too
Fat or fit: Fit...although I don't mind "fuerte" haha
Looks or personality: personality


LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: drinking malta india
1 HOUR AGO: texting and working
1 WEEK AGO: yoga, studying for a midterm
1 YEAR AGO: had just gotten back from Brazil... best trip ever

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I FEEL: overwhelmed
I HATE: people who can't commit to anything
I HIDE: my oreos, my love notes, my credit cards
I NEED: his kiss right now <3
I LOVE: my family

-M. Peña

This is not a love poem

This is a letter I'm too much of a wuss to send.

You're the reason I can write...again

Last night,

As you shed this impossible light

In the obscure and somber isolation of your bed

Billowing kisses over my forehead

Sensibly identifying every crevice of my all too familiar shape

the blades, the dents, my supple ass

which fits right between those strong hands

I know you felt what I felt

your eyes glazed over rooted into mine

It was that ONE kiss though

the one at the foot of your bed

that resonated a million words

Words of love, hate, anxious complexities, fear, sadness,

and disappointment for all things final

A bitter taste of realities too familiar

Would it be too much to ask- Why don't we just start over?

Can I scratch off the expiration date

Swallow the denial

of caring and wishing I didn't

of remembering and wishing I could forget

Dismiss the kisses, the midnight sex, the drinks,

the dances, the talks, the laughs

of all things good overshadowed by the bad

There was no better lie more honest than your truth

You're like no one I've ever met

and I apologize for believing you'd be my lucky #

I apologize for crying because you shredded my hope

and I'm a wreck

so I'll put the hazard signs up

Let's make sure no one else takes a turn

towards my fucked up bone of a soul

I'm desperately trying to let go

I'll leave you with that last kiss

Its easier to let go that way.

In saying nothing, I say it all.

Why does your lazy heart not keep up

with the beats in your kiss?

Maybe you should cut back the social masturbation

And try instead for a more intimate relationship

I promise its amazing to have one with someone other than yourself

And I thought a lot...last night

After a long drive home,

and the sleepless night laid agape on my back

Today, I walk in slow motion

I can only trick myself into believing I can move on for so long

You say I cry wolf, but I'm just trying to protect

my endlessly exposed wounds.

I feel as though they may never heal

with the constant lashing, tossing of false illusions.

Delusions of you and me

The ones stuck at the forefront,

doubled over between my eyes.

Even though I'm not at a loss for words,

I have no clue what to do next.

Let time do its thing...

perhaps I'll even regenerate my heart in the process.

perhaps you'll grow one.

-M. Peña

Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.

Eleanor Roosevelt (via rorrimehtni)

I hope to one day meet him...

our existence will be pure, timeless

an everlasting feeling of love with all the lines filled in

no cracks for us to ever fall in

...

In the meantime, I'll unravel these thoughts and sip on my coffee.

-M. Peña