Indecisions

Your indecisiveness
makes me hesitate
confuses the resolution
and doubts what I know is right
I reject any confidence
yet with certainty display my disillusions
ambiguously ambivalent
and puzzled by my own vagueness
I tend to tiptoe around the dilemma
aversive to your lack of commitment
powerless in my own vice
deficient in strength
insecure from suspicious distrust
dubious faces stay flawed
vulnerable to your charm and wit
and I'd never defy my gravity
that falls loyally, intently, tirelessly into you
though I'm questionably perplexed
by my reluctance to stay with you.


I do know this much will never give way in me:
I'm looking for an
irreplaceable,
inconvenient,
all-consuming,
I can't live without you
kinda love.



-M. Peña

I need to sleep

The night is quiet.
Like white noise.
I need your sleep-induced breath to complete this rich silence.
Envelop me with your tender words and lullaby me.
Kiss my cheeks.
Let me immerse myself in every spiral of your unraveled soul.
I'll rise and shine with the morning sun. Like always your butterfly.

-M. Peña

Optimistic?!

Someone I know once told me:

"Just have faith that God always satisfies your heart's desires"

I'm still trying to believe it, but I don't pray for it.

I'll just wait impatiently....

Maybe my problem is that I'm looking too hard.

-M. Peña

GET A GRIP

My guard was torn down
by an inner war
an outer battle
terrorized by
weapons of mass anguish
pierced by sticks and stones
and slipping into gaping holes
left by those I thought made me whole.
Tears have left me numb
in a solemn state
compulsive
perhaps obsessive
to the point of pushing you away.
I've claimed to have dismembered you
and buried you into my subconscious state
and in another man's arms
tried to slip away
but consumed
in your ink stains
I've stayed.
Hoping for that answer
that'll take my goddamn questions away.
My own cynicism
has driven me insane
an inconsolable echo
of your voice
inside my head.
Muting me
and breaking me
yet graciously.

-M. Peña

My heart's library

If you archive your heart in mine
It'll be safe until the day you want to borrow it
and read it from cover to cover.
No creases, no cross outs, no dents in the pages
Just a beautiful story written
by the strokes of our thoughts and our feelings.

-M. Peña

Second Chances

I give second chances too
It might just be a beautiful nightmare
and I'm scared witless
for
your presence produced a thousand sensations
your smile a thousand memories
and your hug a thousand what-ifs.

I just remember to breathe when you're near me
you always take my wind away.
This time we'll have to run away
our crazy connection
will take us light speeds deeper
you know
I was never ready to let you leave.
We don't always need reasons why.

I think I have it all down now.
In time we'll find this was no surprise.

-M. Peña

In the "K"-NOW

Show me a sign
so I know
and give me some space
to show
these mixed signals trapped in time
living through streamlined tides
propelled in one swift forward motion
memories not enough
for remedies to our insufficiencies
remembering is the opposite of living in
lies that cry like heavy dew inside
dripping quiet forces
your power is a
multidimensional manifestation
with illegal dimensions
my presence like matter
is filled with energy
magnetized and lured in every direction
like atoms built inside our walls
like concentric juxtaposed shapes
we combine and intersect
I grow away from my center
in steps and misaligned stages
No expansion is ever complete
without the representation
of the ones that give you purpose
growth is shocked and stagnant
when deprived of love and peity
exist in the moment
for
only time will change
only time can tell
but you must confide
In your intuitive self.

-M. Peña

Bare Vices

I'll lie

In my own sins

Crash under solemn wings

Burn this lust to fill vivid dreams

Rip apart my chest to expose love's scars

Love beneath our coveted aches

A sacred memory

To protect us

I'll lie

-M.Peña

My Perfect Day

My sad song

I'll write the saddest verses tonight
in lieu of crying the saddest of tears

I wasted hundreds of kisses on you
though the night, my only witness

those nights were intense
and even more immense without you

to think I've lost my nook
to feel I've lost you forever

I even lost my breath
I even held the sigh

a melancholic knot clenched inside my throat
it hasn't let me cry

I make my body still
and my mind just follows

I am no longer the same
after your touch made me spiral

lost verses in my mind
found only by your presence
writing through my pen

my smile a contradiction
like the voice inside your head

the day I soak my eyes
is the day the glass is empty

I'll weep in my own solitude
falling in the silhouette of my own lifeless body

these sad verses are the last
I'll write out loud for you

I'll occupy these empty spaces
once filled with thoughts of you
with precious times unbroken by the loss of you.

-M. Peña

I could blame the world for all my losses

but instead, today I'll count my blessings.

They come fewer and farther beween.

M. Peña

Me tragaste

Te lo tragaste todo
con una sed impredecible
como ola en el mar
como aire en el viento
como la tierra en tumulto
y el balance bajo mis pies
...
hasta mis palabras te tragaste
porque me quedo casi muda
en tu presencia.
Es muy simple lo que pido
lo unico que quiero para tras,
es mi felicidad.

-M. Peña

InSync

I won't apologize
for bleeding through
this facade
loss of restraint
relinquished all potency,
vigors dissipated like vapors
from this protesting body
nothing is absorbent enough
to soak up the shock
A mind with rebellious tendencies
but a heart that won't go into an endless exile
there's always room for error
and always space for "IT"
to enter me at first sight
like butterflies
unleashed in a garden of truth
you flutter in me
lips quiver as I move about
but I find I tread in circles
I end each instance
each conversation
with the same old questions
with the same needs
the same void
that pains me to search aimlessly
for a different part of us
to click and love in sync.

-M. Peña

Mr. Rocker

I remember you
I remember us
...
a backbone to my fears
your shirt soaked up all my tears
your arms held me in my sleep
and your bed was always mine
as long as we spooned tight and
through the night
your essence hit me the minute
I stepped in the room
your guitar fluttered my heart strings
your spirituality kept me present
your free-spirit knew no limits
you listened
we talked
we laughed
we made love
you healed wounds
and though love did not conquer all
and I couldn't decipher your code
I'll never forget what you did for me.

-M. Peña

Static Hearts

Hearts should never stay in one place;
they should be free, unconstrained, and unfettered.
...but in this case I'll make an exception
and with that, I'd like to say to you:

Tie your heart at night to mine, Love

"Tie your heart at night to mine, love,
and both will defeat the darkness
like twin drums beating in the forest
against the heavy wall of wet leaves.

Night crossing: black coal of dream
that cuts the thread of earthly orbs
with the punctuality of a headlong train
that pulls cold stone and shadow endlessly.

Love, because of it, tie me to a purer movement,
to the grip on life that beats in your breast,
with the wings of a submerged swan,

So that our dream might reply
to the sky's questioning stars
with one key, one door closed to shadow."
-Pablo Neruda

-M.Peña

Roots

Soy...
Negra, blanca, y taina.
y esta negra esta rabiosa
no me sacaran la africana
ni con libros, ni dinero, ni gente fina
no cambiaran mi estilo de hablar
ni este aire que llevo por dentro
me gusta mi tambora
me mueve el sabor de ese merenguito
suena ese palo
para que se oiga en el barrio
llevame al carnaval
para que bailemos nuestras alegrias
le doy gracias a mi herencia
por mi cuerpo voluptuoso
mi piel morena
y mi riso
este ritmo es tipico
y es mio.

-M. Peña

Under the Brooklyn Bridge

I'll wrap my love around you
just the way you let me ride around you, above you, below you, even through you
I'll let the brights of your eyes reflect its stoic charm
tall, dark, and handsome
your walls of stone keep their luster as they crumble inside out
pillars strong enough
to keep us standing on two feet
...
but you need me to keep you alive
bridging gaps between two hearts
is no easy task
we'll meet in between
holding hands as we cross paths
suspended by the beauty in our sky
we'll linger through the night
mesmerized
eyes divulged in eyes
moon shadows reflected in our bodies
of water
your symmetry, your grace
keep my language simple:
you're just a harp
playing unwavering notes
in my heart.

-M. Peña

Insomnia

This INSOMNIA is a living nightmare

Laying awake, restless
spastic from debilitating fatigue
I wish for a deep trance, a crash,
a blanked out demise
all I see now are lightning bolts beneath
my lids
twiches trapped like high powered volts
under a thin layer of delicate skin.

My windows to the world
they burn
they swell
they tear
those 8 hours straight
use to be my only sweet indulgence
a lusting devotion to my dreams.

I need brain food
to treat this grave mood
A dent in my pillow
not my snooze button
so...
I need to escape from myself
my reflections
my plaguing torments
my distress
my heartache
that leave me unpeaceful
stagnant epileptic anxieties
should leave me drowsy
but all I know are silent minutes pass
stretching lines into the night
until finally the twilight
brings me to REM

-M.Peña

The time is right

The stars will never align
because they spark and fly
like when our eyes meet
a butterfly effect
a plethora of "what if" situations
I'll scribble in my mind
all I crave is seconds.
Every goosebump on my skin
is your love propogated
timeless are my visions
covetous my unrelenting desire
for love,
for you.

-M.Peña

Sexy Feelings

hot showers
dulce de leche ice cream
vacations in the caribe
getting on an airplane
samba-barely clothed
private massages
fireplaces
a glass of merlot
sleeping naked
-under my down comforter
finishing a great workout
my convertible on a warm day
my ray-bans
motorcycles
french movies
sneaking bites of dark chocolate
luscious lips
dark skin
buying myself flowers
A fresh blowout
shooting pool
ocean water
a full moon
salsa dancing
guitars
violins
juicy guavas
R&B
cuddling

...the list goes on

Paranoia

Clear thoughts choked by delusions

unbalanced, unsound neurosis

borderline instabilities

give me loss of faith and

create a crawling anxiety

that traps my mind and body

within 4 walls.

A fast heartbeat

requires a cure to slow down

this strangled breath.

I gasp for air

eyes glazed over with fear.

I dig my nails into oblivion

gripping a life once nurtured

invaluable to all eyes.

Feeling our bliss slip

is my paranoia.

Anti-anxiety meds might remedy this disillusion.

What I need is an intervention.

-M.Peña

What now?

Now...
I collide with the air I breathe
just to feel something

Now...
I dance to fill my body with rhythm
to create energy
and hear a language I understand
with no translations

Now...
I feel lonely from time to time
so I type to make the minutes pass
because the keyboard keeps me company

Before...
I wrote from curiosity
to understand you better
to get a piece of you

Now...
I write to discover myself
and hear myself think
everything seems clearer
when my pen's out of ink

Now...
I write because its the only way
I can talk to you anymore
scream at you for leaving me
lust for you without seeing you
or touching you

Now...
I write so you can read right through me
because you left me speechless,
loveless, and crazed

Now what?
I'll write to inspire
to conspire with my thoughts
to realize that in losing you
I'm still reading myself
over and over again

-M.Peña

Cynicism

I have an adventurous side// I have a curious side// I have a goofy side// I have a serious side// an I laugh at everything side// a nothing you say is funny side so shut the fuck up side// a cautious side// and a reckless side too// a compassionate side all too often dominated by that I don't give a fuck about your feelings side// an everything is all smiles side// an all too ever-present I just wanna cry without being judged for it side// an I'm not weak side// I have that fuck those that don't approve of me side// and that just like me for me side -- I find this side triumphant most days side// I have that I can face the world side// that no one can stop me side// that I shall overcome side// but when I'm all alone finally, all that self-righteous shit becomes that I don't know if I can carry on side ...

written by me 7/22/08
-M.Peña

No estoy hecha de piedra, ni de hiero
pero talves de una madera debil
y desramada.
Tus palabras me hieren como un cuchillo
incrustado en miedo aire,
doloroso y aunque unidas perfectamente
en un solo cuerpo.
Un superficie partido
y una essencia intocable,
rompiste mis illusiones en dos,
pero ahora tengo el doble
de esperanzas.
No tengo numeracion, ni comparacion
ni sera otra statistica.
Pero de tu propia voluntad,
te quedaras con la reputacion
de un rompe corazones.

-M.Pena

I'm a Poet

The Honest Truth

Mariposa de la noche

Me escuchaste anoche?

Toce tu ventana

y susurre mil secretos en tu oido

trascendi tus sueños

como la luz de la luna en noches oscuras

me acoste entre tu pecho y tu resuello

y dormiste a mi lado

con una calma ardiente.

Me sentiste?

No tienes que verme

estare ahi en tus noches

y calentare tu cuerpo.

Viajaremos junto

un largo destino

hechas en brisas

que llegan bajos las palmas

y nos agaramos de esperanzas

para el dia que mi reso

se convierta en mas de un sueño.

El viento te dira mi verdad y mis secretos

que volaban de boca a pecho

porque si me oyes

...

y tu corazon escucha

ya se que me amas y me amaras

despierto y dormido.

-M.Peña